Not exactly Animal House
by Jack The Bard
Summary: Jarlaxle gets interested in joining a fraternity. All characters property of R.A. Salvatore, save for all the frat brothers. Those are mine, and proudly so.


**Back in black. This was just an idea, and, alas, a very stupid idea at the time. You can tell I was high.**

* * *

Jarlaxle and Entreri walked down a busy market road, smells of fresh food and the sounds of salesmen hawking their junk was omnipresent.

Jarlaxle was taking in the glorious spectacle when along came a steady thumping, as if several people were running. Entreri stopped Jarlaxle from being run over by a large group of men of a variety of races. Most of them were in what appeared to be bedsheets draped across their bodies, whereas almost all of them held a foaming, and spilling, mug of ale in their hands.

Jarlaxle watched them go past, then nudged his partner, "What is that?"

Entreri rolled his eyes. "Here we go again. Those were members of a frathouse. Let's go." He started to drag the drow along, but Jarlaxle stopped.

"So they're a club"

"Sort of. Let's leave."

"I'm going to join!" and Jarlaxle dashed off with magically enhanced speed.

Entreri rolled his eyes and began to chase the drow down.

* * *

Jarlaxle stood in front of a large, dirty building, which had a large variety of people in front, in, and on top of it. There were people wearing the bedsheets, usually in clusters which chanted in a drunken stupor "Toga, toga, toga, toga."

As with the group that passed by, there was much ale being passed around, and there were several people smoking some weird, cylindrical object, then acting rather silly afterwards.

Jarlaxle stepped inside the building to find a large group of people around a barrel and someone standing on their head. The group was chanting "Chug, chug, chug." Apparently urging the person standing on their head to drink something.

He stepped into the circle, watching the person, a half elf, drink the cask of ale, whilst standing on his head through a tube made of some flexible material. The half elf lasted for around thirty more seconds, before spewing a large amount of beer all over the place and collapsing on the floor.

The human nearest the drow pushed him into the circle, to a great roar of approval. They were obviously too drunk to notice, or care, that he was a drow.

A pair of dwarves grabbed his legs and turned him upside down, forcing him to stand on his hands or mess up the ditryama feather in his hat. He chose the former option.

Another dwarf grabbed the tube that was in the earlier person's mouth, and shoved it into his mouth, a very sweet and strong brew going into his mouth.

He started to drink, a harder task than it seemed, and the crowd chanted.

After one minute he started to feel the blood rush to his head.

Two minutes and his mouth was almost constantly full.

Three minutes left him feeling dizzy.

Four minutes emptied the keg.

The spectators cheered when the last drop of ale went down Jarlaxle's throat, and the cask was kicked away. The dwarves let him down just as a new cask was rolled into place.

Jarlaxle decided to dress in a garb similar to most of the other people in the fraternity house, and shoved all his clothes, save for his hat, into a bag of holding.

He pulled out a pink bedsheet in his clothes' stead. He draped it across his body in a similar fashion to most of the other people in the room, and walked over to a circle of humans gathered around a water pipe.

* * *

Entreri arrived at the house, with his dark-skinned companion nowhere in sight.

It was the most notorious frathouse in the city, Kappa Omega Kappa, which had a reputation for large, obnoxious parties and suspensions from school for a variety of reasons ranging from misconduct to a single account of violence.

Entreri stepped into the shambling house, and it was obvious where Jarlaxle was, as there was a very clear sound of "they're after me, man!!" coming in shaky drow from the nearest corner of the house.

Jarlaxle was standing in the corner of the house, a pink toga on and holding a chicken which had apparently been thrown at him as a joke. The poor fool was twitching, quivering, and overall acting in a rather spooked manner.

Entreri approached him, only to have the high drow scream at him, "Go away, quit staring!! I didn't make out with my cousin!!" Entreri still dragged him away, not bothering to get rid of the chicken.

Jarlaxle still screamed at him in a rather squeaky voice.

* * *

After getting the various toxins out of Jarlaxle's system, they sat in a bar, sipping non-alcoholic beverages.

Enteri looked at Jarlaxle and asked the question he always did after these escapades: "what did you learn from this experience?"

"Chests may be trapped?"

"No, that was a month ago."

"Sunburns can be cured by mustard?"

"Forget it."

"I already did"

Entreri smacked himself in the head for the seventh time that day, and left.

* * *

**There you have it. It may not be as lolzy as some of the other ones, but I did it before the terrorists threatened to kill RAS. **


End file.
